Frick sake its almost xmas!!

Again I should really update this better but here goes whats been happening . . . . The ball went amazingly, we raised over £12000, I did a radio piece for real radio regarding organ donation as did my unsuspecting sister who I heard so many times, I did a piece for the daily record about Julie and I. I nominated her as my unsung hero and we won lots of goodies and got a double centre page which was fantastic and really helped highlight organ donation. I also did some work for the scottish organ donation team and was featured on STV news. And this week Victoria and I are heading into her work to bring some christmas cheer and raise awareness for organ donation.

I passed my one year anniversary which was spent with my family and toasting my organ donor and family. But I also had a joint bday and transplantaversay night.
Didn't quite work to plan, after a couple of drinks I got very upset and this was the rest of the night- so in future my friend Kimberley came up with the plan that I do somthing adrenalin filled ie, go karting, zorbing, bungee jumping la la la to mark the year. Much better!!

I had an amazing night out with one of my oldest friends mark last thursday - wayyyyy too much booze and drunken dancing which eneded in my elbow hurting again - note that I broke my elbow two weeks ago following me doing some amazing MC hammer style dancing in the ABC rather drunkenly falling but giving my big sister and I the best laugh in years!!

I'm attending a CF night on Saturday which my dad has organised for Lochinch Rugby club, where I will be singing the foo fighters "my hero". I sang this at the masquerade ball in October and it went down rather well.

In between everything else I am now trying to establish myself in hair and beauty and trying to raise my profile. I met a great photographer who works for the sun - i'm doing a piece for them also. And he is wanting to work on some high end editorial style pieces.

A busy life I lead.

Never forgotten nubby.

Kirsty xx

And so onto this life I go. . . . .

Nicola enters my life every day, be it a song, be it a picture, be it a cartoon I see or summit that I know she would love there isn't a day that goes by or probably a couple of hours that go by without thinking of my friend.

I'm not going to say I'm doing this for the both of us cos if I had one ounce of her strength I would probably be travelling the world by now, but I do feel I owe her so very much and I know that she is watching sometimes.

The other week I was looking through my favourite pictures of her to give a copy to her mum. I sat in my living room and got rather upset looking at them whilst listening to some music and then I got nervous about seeing her mum- dont ask me why I think its because it had been a while but then from nowhere a little pink globe I have on my tv which contains a fairy and glitter went off. It's a wind up music thing but never ever has it gone off and it did for about 3 seconds. I looked up from the computer and I smiled and said "Thankyou".

I dont think you realise how much someone is in your life until they are gone. Nicola and I only seen each other about once a week or once a fortnight but we spoke in texts every single day, just a littl hello, a little are you feeling shit today too?, a little bitch at something on tv. But I got through my worst days with this friendship.

She is so very missed. . . . . . . . but they say life goes on and it is.

I'm back at college, makeup artistry is going great. Have already taken part in three fashion shows, one being for the Rainbow Room, have been doing makeup on an up and coming star called Carrie Mac and hopefully going to get a gig working on Calamity Jane in the Kings theatre.

We're also arranging this amazing ball, Victoria, Jac and I and I am really excited as it's only a few weeks away. Between that and I have the LLTGL advocate weekend with Jac and all my fellow amazing LLTGL advocates for a team building and a 'getting to know you' King and I stylee time. Also I have Karen(one of my oldest and dearest friends) hen night then wedding to think of. Then my birthday and transplantversary.

I am a busy girl and really should get more organised.

Inbetween I have been colouring my hair lots and now am bleach blonde. Unfort my hair got really thin 9 months post transplant, and I cutt it all off. It didnt grow in any thicker so me being the exhibitionist that I am I decided to colour it up.

Lastly today I was at clinic and it's been the best one yet, I have a cold at the moment. But my lung function is now at 95% and my Xray is clean as a whistle. Best clinic appointment yet.

Today is a good day, I wish I could have shared it with her xxx

Pictures of the past 6 weeks

Dougie and I at the apple ball

Me and Nicola on her disney night - the sunday before she died

After the 10k speed walk 1hr 35mins

before the 10k speed walk

the update

I dont truly know where to begin, after having my rejection I got pneumonia in March, I was treated in Monklands and wished thy would send me to Gartnavel. But they didn't and my time there was rubbish!!

But I got over the pneumonia and I did the 10k with my two sisters and my wonderful friends Linzi and Fiona. My girl never left my side the whole 6 miles and the end line was emotional to say the least. My crying face and my story was in the papers the nest day which was a great result for bringing awareness. Mum and the girls made amazing banners and dad painted a great sign.

On the sunday night we had a disney princess party for Nicola, she had had such a rough time of it as of late and I wanted to make it special for her so I decked the place out in some pink, got the chocolate fountain up and running and asked everyone to bring sweets and juice. OMG we had so much to eat, we were all n sugar rushes well into the monday. We watched the little mermaid whilst I sat beside Nicola and sang away whilst she laughed and encouraged me.

I gave her a big hug bye bye as we wore our matching robes.

She text me at 2am~(I never got this till the morning) to say what a wonderful time she had had and she felt so lucky to have such people in her life.



Monday came and I worked on my graded unit, getting Susan a friend of a friend done. Tuesday came and I worked on Ge transforming her into a bubblegum beauty.

Wednesday morning came and i left at 5,30am to get to newcastle for my bronch. Would love to say bronch went well but I awoke half way through, totally traumatised and hit out at the poor staff. HAHA!!

I stayed over on ward and met the doc the next day where I apologised. He said it happens though he did state they "gave me a heck of a lot of sedation". I'm just not the sedated type of girl now with these new lungs!

Got home on the thursday afternoon and was about to go buy some stuff for my photoshoot with sara on the friday when I realised I hadn't heard back from Nicola. I phoned her dad and left a message and then thought I woould phone the ward as this really wasn't like her.

From the moment the sister picked up the phone and started speaking I was in no way aware of how drastically my life was about to change.



Nicola was dying, she was leaving us and I wasn't there. Sister said it was best I left her family with her at the moment and in my grief ridden state I agreed. I entered my house again having heard this news whilst sitting in my car and tried to tell dougie the news.

I wasn't just upset I was sooo sooo angry, my feet pounding off the ground was the only way I could convey my anger. I know now what it is like to sob, sob so much that you feel your heart may just burst out, like you feel collapsing in a heap may help to deal with it.

I called my mum and dougie drove me over to mum and dads. Mum said I had to phone peter and ask to go see her even if it meant standing outside the door. Mum phoned and Peter and Marion said I should be there.

Dougie drove me up and I tried so hard to be strong, I didn't want to cry in her presence.

The next day/night was long, I went home about 12am and drove back at 1am. When I first arrived at about 5 Nicola looked up at me and gave me a huge smile. Her brother and kerri were also there.

I'm not going to go into details but I did get to say everything I wanted to, to my best friend. My last words to her were, dont hang on honey, everyone knows you love them, whe your mum and dad and bro come back in you let go. And she did . . . . I had went home for an hour and got a call to say she had passed away.

There are a lot of issues ~I am not happy about surrounding nicola's death but I will not air these on a blog. She knows what they are. . .. . . . .

So life continues, me i have been given the greatest gift ever and my best friend has gone, no longer able to share this experience with me. I miss her greatly, I cry often but generally when noone but Doug is around, and often on my own. I want to speak to her and share my life with her. I want to take her out more, even if it is in a wheelie me and her were two.

And so to the next day - I had already signed myself up to do a speech at night for the CF trust at a ball called the apple ball. I went to see my aunt Sadie and had to go for a sleep on her bed for the whole visit. I got home and got ready for the ball.
The ball was a great night, I tried not to think too much of nicola but I did ask for her strength when it was my time to stand infront of approx 500 people and speak.
I ended my speech with a word on my best friend, and got everyone to toast for her and for Jessica(whom a video had been shoown of her prior to my speech) and to the thousands of others who have lost their fight against CF.

Cut t the next morning and our taxi arrived at 7.30am, DOugie and I were herded through to a college in Edinburgh where I was to take part in the BIG QUESTION. One of todays debates was should organ donation be an opt out system. I'm told now that I did really well, I'm sure I could have said more but I'm happy with what I was able to convey and at the end of the day its more about seeing a person and putting a real face to organ donation.

We arrived home and I went out to Nicolas mum and dads to discuss funeral arrangements. I was so honoured to be asked to sit in the family car and also I was going to be given a rope when it came to lowering her into the ground.

Monday came and I felt unwell, I was feeling sick and unable to eat. I've never lost someone Iloved so much, I didn't know if this was part of grief, so I left it. Tuesday was the same but wednesday came and I was being sick with everything I ate.
My mum took me to the hospital who said I was severly dehydrated and after an xray said I also had another pneumonia. Two weeks in hospital ensued and I wasn't able to go to nicolas funeral.

Maybe it was a blessing, maybe I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Thankfully kerri gave my speech, she read y words out beautifully and I thank her for that. They lowered Nicola into the ground whilst they played our song "for good" by the cast of wicked.

I finally got out of hospital and started to get on with life, I even had a trip down to London and Brighton which was awesome. Then bam I got the chicken pox, in all honesty I had asked the skies above to give me a diversion, I was finding it hard to deal with the loss of Nicola- but chicken pox!!

Back in Gartnavel as the poxies can be rather grim for someone immunosupressed, I only spent a weekend in and it seemed they were going so thats me about up to date.
I'm visiting the hospital today, my cough which arised from the poxies hasn't shifted and Mcgregor my doc warned me that I had to go up for absolutely anything for the next wee while so we make sure I dont get the poxies again.

I'm hoping to drop in some magazines for Tasha- a girl who also as CF andf who was nicolas gartnavel sidekick. She no longer has her blonde headed buddie to speak to so she needs some readiing material :)

Kirsty xx

sicky sick sick

I think I'm breathing fine, in , out, in, out, big breathe in, but is it taking as much air in as before, is my cough after normal. I still have the cold that has been lurking about for the past 7 weeks. Every time it feels like it is shifting it comes back again. But now I'm also suffering from sickness and the dia. it started on saturday night, I had invited my sister round for drinks and the out for a boogie, but I was tired on saturday. I collected her about 7 and we came back here, once I was dressed I had extra energy. So I had about 5 drinks and dougie dropped us off in town. In the bar I had another drink and although I can say I was tipsy I wasn't bad drunk. I had a huge tartan duffle on and I was freezing, when we went to walk to the club I was so cold my sister told me this wasn't normal.
Dougie collected me and my sis and dropped her off. When we pulled up in the drive I had to get dougs to grab a sick bag as I couldn't move without being sick, and thus the night began, sick sick, little sleep, sick sick, shivering, then a temp of 38.4.
I know I should have phoned the hospital or went to A&E but I wanted to believe I had had some reaction to summit or maybe caught a sickness bug. Sunday I took paracetomal and my temp lowered, Dougie and I went into town and we were meant to go for food but even the thought of it was making me nauseaus. As it is doing as I type the word food.
We headed home and I was sick again in the car- thankfully in a bag.
Home and straight to bed, had a temp agaiin which paracetomal sorted and then onto monday I felt better, no temp, but I thought I would spend the day in bed to recouperate. Then at 6pm I got a temp again and dougfie returned home with lucozade and got me paracetomal. I feel so pathetic, I can get out of bed when I have a temp.
I phoned Newcastle and they spoke with a doc who said to go to my GP. I know there are lots of sickness bugs doing the rounds right now.
It's just so weird to feel this shit, it feels just like it did when I had an infection but I feel my breathing is ok. I dont know for sure, my coughing has increased and I seem to be bringing up more. I guess I will see today xxx

Kirsty in wonderland

Ah the joys of rugby!I went through to edinburgh yesterday with my dad, sis and dads double act norrie. They are so funny together with their stories of rugby trips. Anyway it was an ace day, where I met a lot of my dads mates from the rugby who were all asking how I was!!

Its so humbling to think of the amount of people who were hoping for my healthy recoup, its amazing how very lovely people can be, I was blown away with the amount of cards I recieved when I was in hospital.

Was back at mum and dads for about 9pm, I stayed with mum cos DOugs had went away climbing with mates so it was easier and nicer to stay with mum and the dog missi. She is absolutely gorgeous.

Today I went to get my hair done by my good friend Donna's girls. Well girl who is studying hairdressing, I went blonde and I must admit its taking a bit of getting used to. But thats me, I'm growing it now to be long and blonde like it was years ago and with any luck by a years time my swollen moon steroid face will have dropped a bit.

Just back from seeing Alice in Wonderland - Tim Burtons. It was great in the imax but it still doesn't beat my love for the original disney one. It was my favourite when I was little and has been since, when I used to have a bad day cf wise I would stick that movie in. Made me feel little again.

Kirsty xx

I've also had a couple of message from lovely readers of my humble blog saying they appreciated my honesty. I hope it is a little useful for tx and Cf'rs.

On a wee pants note I seem to have what looks like a cold sore on my top lip, though I have never had the cold sore virus before but trust me to have probably found it now ;)

So I'll be phoning newcastle tomorrow.

Ode to my friend

This is a little blog ode to my friend Nicola.

I'm extremely lucky in that I am surrounded by amazing friends, friends who make me laugh so much I almost wee myself and friends who I can share my biggest secrets with, friend who I have the greatest nights out with and those who I can just sit in with and eat lots of goodies.

Then there's Nicola, growing up I never had any intention of having a CF friend. I met a boy when I was 9 in hospital who I befriended. He was older than me and he was also a Cf'r. I found out about two years later that he died. And even though I only spent two weeks as his friend I did feel a big loss. It was my first instance of CF loss.

Then many years later I seen a post on the CF boards, a girl who seemed to be giving up, her friends from school had begun to forget about her as she wasn't able to keep up with their social lives. I ended up contacting her and willing her not to stop treatments, I knew how she felt, the only difference is that I still had my girls around my for support.

We began talking on msn regularly or really many times a day, and having someone who knew exactly how I was feeling and what I was going through was amazing. But it wasn't only that, this girl was lovely, caring and although we didn't have a lot in common, ie she loved west life, I loved RnB but we could talk away for hours.

After months we decided to meet up, we knew it was frowned upon in the Cf community due to cross infection but we knew we both cultured Pseudomonas and we felt even if we only met once it would be worth it to see if we were as close in person as we were talking online.

So we met and the rest is history, Nicola has became the bestest friend I could ever ask for, she has always been a text away and when we were both well it was great to meet up, to go to gigs together and to go out and dance the night away.

Things have carried on for years now and both our health declined, however, I'm sure Nicola will also state I seemed to be the more robust one. SO when transplant was mentioned to me first I was a bit surprised, I knew things were not good but I still thought I had enough in me to last a while longer.

But our nights of dancing away had begun seat dancing and after my lung collapses I was put onto oxygen.

Being put on the tx list showed me even more how amazing my friend was, she knew all the answers for me, as I often shut down when medical jargon is being talked about with docs. I knew when I was ready I could talk to Nicola and she would inform me of the answers to my questions.

Nicolas health took a hit and then I got my tx. One of my first thoughts of my friends was Nicola, how would she feel now I had been given a new opportunity?? I worried so much that o9ur friendship would suffer, I knew she wouldn't feel jealous on purpose but that maybe it wouldn't be helped.

I became wary of the info I gave Nicola from my recoup bed in Newcastle. Then one day I wrote to her saying I didn't want to rub it in. She responded telling me that she was unsure how she would react when I got my tx but that she was so truly happy for me.

I didn't need to hear anymore, I knew I had the greatest friend. . . .

Things are hard for Nicola at the moment and I just want her to know I will always be here for her, the three months post tx when I couldn't meet her were really hard, I missed her laughing and our random chats.

One day Nicola will feel what its like to breath easy and I cant wait to share this new experience with her.

Love you loads honey

Kirsty xx