Changed over to new blog

Hiya folks, I hope you enjoyed reading my road to transplant and during. I am now almost four years post and 14 months ago was told I had Chronic Rejection
I have started a new blog, come peek its
http://txchronicallypositive.blogspot.fr/

Ouchies said kirsty to the dentist

I'm cooking a BIG TOP cupcake at the moment, I didn't have any cocoa so have opted for hot chocolate mix. We'll see how that turns out.
I spent two hours today in the dentist chair getting fillings in, it's been a while since I visited the dentist. I'm ashamed- well not actually, there always seemed summit better to do with my time. Though I am regretting that now.
I think I mentioned I put my sister up for unsung hero last year and we both won the prizes which included teeth whitening so thus is what is happening. I am getting them sorted all expenses paid by the lovely folk at visage cosmetics and they were ab fab today.
Not one ounce of pain but a lot of soreness at keeping my big mouth open for so long.
Dougie is up in bed today with man cold, it' not the flu but poor thing feels crappy on his last free dat before starting back at work.

I really want to buy myself a big old book which I can use to write in, or scrap book in but it has to be BIG. Dougies mum Meg had a lovely one that she has had as far back as dougie remembers, it looks like summit from Harry Potter or what not but I want one the same.

I sat up till 2am last night, doing coursework. Think cos I started this I was actually spending time evaluating what was happening.

Got a good few things heading up soon, end of January I am off to the International MakeUp Artistry Trade Show with my makeup girls then February DOugs and I celebrate our four years together and we are hoping to head away and then I'm off to LA in April, closely followed by a weekend away to Amsterdam oh and damn I forgot I have bridesmaids duties to attend to again this year. My beautiful friend Fiona is getting married to her long term boyf Donald. So we are hoping to get away for a hen week - I couldnt make Karens last year so this year will be AWESOME!!
EEECK off to do some more coursework, think I am getting DOugie to take his beard off tonight o I can make him into a drag queen. Easily done ;) xx

2011 has hit me . . . and I'm gonna do summit spectacular this year!!

Yup the christmas has been and gone, long days with te family, pigging out and having a ball and then days with dougies family emmm pigging out and having a ball. But now its almost back to life again, normal life and I need to get a grip on mine.
It's now been one year post transplant well actually 14months and although I do feel I did a lot last year I also had a feeling that I was being held back a good bit on account of two bouts of pneumonia, a bout of chicken pox, and some rubbish rejection. I have been extremely fortunate not to have suffered too much in the past few months and even luckier to have a cracking lung function.
The only things I ave to deal with are the spasms - brought on by my drugs on my hands and feet which in all honesty is rather funny at first watching your hands twist into funny shapes but ends with me crying and hitting them off anything which isn't so funny. And also my acid reflux which I find I now have rather big symptoms with, although having lot my sense of smell which actually does come back to me every now and again means I dont have to smell the MANKY ARSE like burps.
Poor Poor Dougie . . . . . .
2011 was brought in with many tears, tears about lost ones, tears for me being a little lost. I'm finding juggling life rather difficult, but thats where its going to change.
ORGANISATION is the KEY!!!
I have college - I am sitting up at the moment hoping to start on some more portfolio work -PAH
I have the cupcakes - a new venture by myself and another two lovely girls in my class
I have travelling to look forward to
I have a number of folk who actually want to work alongside me, which is fabulous.
I have BIG BIG plans for what my BIG thing is going to be this year.
But not wanting to divulge at the moment, nearer the time yes I will.

Now that everything is settling I know that I have been hit rather hard with the whole - I actually have to decide what I'm wanting to do . . . . . but I'll think about that.

Some things I want from this year

I dont wanna eat sweeties all day everyday!!
I want to travel
I want to achieve a great goal
I want the people who I talk to and are awaiting transplant to get theirs
And lastly
I want to teach the world to sing ha ha ha ayes theres a few more.
Until the next time which I hope wont be too long
Cheery ohhhhh

Frick sake its almost xmas!!

Again I should really update this better but here goes whats been happening . . . . The ball went amazingly, we raised over £12000, I did a radio piece for real radio regarding organ donation as did my unsuspecting sister who I heard so many times, I did a piece for the daily record about Julie and I. I nominated her as my unsung hero and we won lots of goodies and got a double centre page which was fantastic and really helped highlight organ donation. I also did some work for the scottish organ donation team and was featured on STV news. And this week Victoria and I are heading into her work to bring some christmas cheer and raise awareness for organ donation.

I passed my one year anniversary which was spent with my family and toasting my organ donor and family. But I also had a joint bday and transplantaversay night.
Didn't quite work to plan, after a couple of drinks I got very upset and this was the rest of the night- so in future my friend Kimberley came up with the plan that I do somthing adrenalin filled ie, go karting, zorbing, bungee jumping la la la to mark the year. Much better!!

I had an amazing night out with one of my oldest friends mark last thursday - wayyyyy too much booze and drunken dancing which eneded in my elbow hurting again - note that I broke my elbow two weeks ago following me doing some amazing MC hammer style dancing in the ABC rather drunkenly falling but giving my big sister and I the best laugh in years!!

I'm attending a CF night on Saturday which my dad has organised for Lochinch Rugby club, where I will be singing the foo fighters "my hero". I sang this at the masquerade ball in October and it went down rather well.

In between everything else I am now trying to establish myself in hair and beauty and trying to raise my profile. I met a great photographer who works for the sun - i'm doing a piece for them also. And he is wanting to work on some high end editorial style pieces.

A busy life I lead.

Never forgotten nubby.

Kirsty xx

And so onto this life I go. . . . .

Nicola enters my life every day, be it a song, be it a picture, be it a cartoon I see or summit that I know she would love there isn't a day that goes by or probably a couple of hours that go by without thinking of my friend.

I'm not going to say I'm doing this for the both of us cos if I had one ounce of her strength I would probably be travelling the world by now, but I do feel I owe her so very much and I know that she is watching sometimes.

The other week I was looking through my favourite pictures of her to give a copy to her mum. I sat in my living room and got rather upset looking at them whilst listening to some music and then I got nervous about seeing her mum- dont ask me why I think its because it had been a while but then from nowhere a little pink globe I have on my tv which contains a fairy and glitter went off. It's a wind up music thing but never ever has it gone off and it did for about 3 seconds. I looked up from the computer and I smiled and said "Thankyou".

I dont think you realise how much someone is in your life until they are gone. Nicola and I only seen each other about once a week or once a fortnight but we spoke in texts every single day, just a littl hello, a little are you feeling shit today too?, a little bitch at something on tv. But I got through my worst days with this friendship.

She is so very missed. . . . . . . . but they say life goes on and it is.

I'm back at college, makeup artistry is going great. Have already taken part in three fashion shows, one being for the Rainbow Room, have been doing makeup on an up and coming star called Carrie Mac and hopefully going to get a gig working on Calamity Jane in the Kings theatre.

We're also arranging this amazing ball, Victoria, Jac and I and I am really excited as it's only a few weeks away. Between that and I have the LLTGL advocate weekend with Jac and all my fellow amazing LLTGL advocates for a team building and a 'getting to know you' King and I stylee time. Also I have Karen(one of my oldest and dearest friends) hen night then wedding to think of. Then my birthday and transplantversary.

I am a busy girl and really should get more organised.

Inbetween I have been colouring my hair lots and now am bleach blonde. Unfort my hair got really thin 9 months post transplant, and I cutt it all off. It didnt grow in any thicker so me being the exhibitionist that I am I decided to colour it up.

Lastly today I was at clinic and it's been the best one yet, I have a cold at the moment. But my lung function is now at 95% and my Xray is clean as a whistle. Best clinic appointment yet.

Today is a good day, I wish I could have shared it with her xxx

Pictures of the past 6 weeks

Dougie and I at the apple ball

Me and Nicola on her disney night - the sunday before she died

After the 10k speed walk 1hr 35mins

before the 10k speed walk

the update

I dont truly know where to begin, after having my rejection I got pneumonia in March, I was treated in Monklands and wished thy would send me to Gartnavel. But they didn't and my time there was rubbish!!

But I got over the pneumonia and I did the 10k with my two sisters and my wonderful friends Linzi and Fiona. My girl never left my side the whole 6 miles and the end line was emotional to say the least. My crying face and my story was in the papers the nest day which was a great result for bringing awareness. Mum and the girls made amazing banners and dad painted a great sign.

On the sunday night we had a disney princess party for Nicola, she had had such a rough time of it as of late and I wanted to make it special for her so I decked the place out in some pink, got the chocolate fountain up and running and asked everyone to bring sweets and juice. OMG we had so much to eat, we were all n sugar rushes well into the monday. We watched the little mermaid whilst I sat beside Nicola and sang away whilst she laughed and encouraged me.

I gave her a big hug bye bye as we wore our matching robes.

She text me at 2am~(I never got this till the morning) to say what a wonderful time she had had and she felt so lucky to have such people in her life.



Monday came and I worked on my graded unit, getting Susan a friend of a friend done. Tuesday came and I worked on Ge transforming her into a bubblegum beauty.

Wednesday morning came and i left at 5,30am to get to newcastle for my bronch. Would love to say bronch went well but I awoke half way through, totally traumatised and hit out at the poor staff. HAHA!!

I stayed over on ward and met the doc the next day where I apologised. He said it happens though he did state they "gave me a heck of a lot of sedation". I'm just not the sedated type of girl now with these new lungs!

Got home on the thursday afternoon and was about to go buy some stuff for my photoshoot with sara on the friday when I realised I hadn't heard back from Nicola. I phoned her dad and left a message and then thought I woould phone the ward as this really wasn't like her.

From the moment the sister picked up the phone and started speaking I was in no way aware of how drastically my life was about to change.



Nicola was dying, she was leaving us and I wasn't there. Sister said it was best I left her family with her at the moment and in my grief ridden state I agreed. I entered my house again having heard this news whilst sitting in my car and tried to tell dougie the news.

I wasn't just upset I was sooo sooo angry, my feet pounding off the ground was the only way I could convey my anger. I know now what it is like to sob, sob so much that you feel your heart may just burst out, like you feel collapsing in a heap may help to deal with it.

I called my mum and dougie drove me over to mum and dads. Mum said I had to phone peter and ask to go see her even if it meant standing outside the door. Mum phoned and Peter and Marion said I should be there.

Dougie drove me up and I tried so hard to be strong, I didn't want to cry in her presence.

The next day/night was long, I went home about 12am and drove back at 1am. When I first arrived at about 5 Nicola looked up at me and gave me a huge smile. Her brother and kerri were also there.

I'm not going to go into details but I did get to say everything I wanted to, to my best friend. My last words to her were, dont hang on honey, everyone knows you love them, whe your mum and dad and bro come back in you let go. And she did . . . . I had went home for an hour and got a call to say she had passed away.

There are a lot of issues ~I am not happy about surrounding nicola's death but I will not air these on a blog. She knows what they are. . .. . . . .

So life continues, me i have been given the greatest gift ever and my best friend has gone, no longer able to share this experience with me. I miss her greatly, I cry often but generally when noone but Doug is around, and often on my own. I want to speak to her and share my life with her. I want to take her out more, even if it is in a wheelie me and her were two.

And so to the next day - I had already signed myself up to do a speech at night for the CF trust at a ball called the apple ball. I went to see my aunt Sadie and had to go for a sleep on her bed for the whole visit. I got home and got ready for the ball.
The ball was a great night, I tried not to think too much of nicola but I did ask for her strength when it was my time to stand infront of approx 500 people and speak.
I ended my speech with a word on my best friend, and got everyone to toast for her and for Jessica(whom a video had been shoown of her prior to my speech) and to the thousands of others who have lost their fight against CF.

Cut t the next morning and our taxi arrived at 7.30am, DOugie and I were herded through to a college in Edinburgh where I was to take part in the BIG QUESTION. One of todays debates was should organ donation be an opt out system. I'm told now that I did really well, I'm sure I could have said more but I'm happy with what I was able to convey and at the end of the day its more about seeing a person and putting a real face to organ donation.

We arrived home and I went out to Nicolas mum and dads to discuss funeral arrangements. I was so honoured to be asked to sit in the family car and also I was going to be given a rope when it came to lowering her into the ground.

Monday came and I felt unwell, I was feeling sick and unable to eat. I've never lost someone Iloved so much, I didn't know if this was part of grief, so I left it. Tuesday was the same but wednesday came and I was being sick with everything I ate.
My mum took me to the hospital who said I was severly dehydrated and after an xray said I also had another pneumonia. Two weeks in hospital ensued and I wasn't able to go to nicolas funeral.

Maybe it was a blessing, maybe I wouldn't have been able to handle it. Thankfully kerri gave my speech, she read y words out beautifully and I thank her for that. They lowered Nicola into the ground whilst they played our song "for good" by the cast of wicked.

I finally got out of hospital and started to get on with life, I even had a trip down to London and Brighton which was awesome. Then bam I got the chicken pox, in all honesty I had asked the skies above to give me a diversion, I was finding it hard to deal with the loss of Nicola- but chicken pox!!

Back in Gartnavel as the poxies can be rather grim for someone immunosupressed, I only spent a weekend in and it seemed they were going so thats me about up to date.
I'm visiting the hospital today, my cough which arised from the poxies hasn't shifted and Mcgregor my doc warned me that I had to go up for absolutely anything for the next wee while so we make sure I dont get the poxies again.

I'm hoping to drop in some magazines for Tasha- a girl who also as CF andf who was nicolas gartnavel sidekick. She no longer has her blonde headed buddie to speak to so she needs some readiing material :)

Kirsty xx